Knowing is Only Half the Battle
by Jendra
Summary: A conversation Kurt and David have long needed to have.


Yes, yes, long Author's note, I'm sorry, but there are some things I need to explain. I've only been in the Glee fandom for a couple of months. I got here by following some of my favorite HP authors and their favorite story links. I started out reading Kurbastian, Kurtofsky and Puckurt, so I don't have a great love for Blaine. I've seen some of season 1, most of season 2 and the last few episodes of season 3. I have not actually seen the episode this scene is based on. I've just seen it done in a lot of other fics. Originally, when I first conceived of this idea it was going to be a Kurt/Sebastian/David fic. I couldn't ever get it to work the way I wanted, not to mention I don't want to write a long fic in another fandom until I finish the two Harry Potters ones that are still ongoing. There were two scenes however, that would not leave me alone. This one, and one that would take place the next day in Glee. I'll try to get that written if enough people like this. Basically, this is how I think Kurt feels about David and a conversation that needs to be had before anything could possibly happen between them.

I just realized that I never actually specified what the opening is, though I'm sure it's fairly obvious. This is just after Blaine tries to force Kurt to have sex with him after going to Scandals. Instead of him finally accepting that Kurt means no, Sebastian and Karofsky were leaving, saw what was happening and pulled Blaine off.

Knowing is Only Half the Battle

By Jendra

Kurt opened his eyes as his body was suddenly released. He shot erect and rushed to get out of the car, desperate to get into a position to defend himself, only to find it was no longer necessary. Blaine, his now definitely ex-boyfriend, was laid out on the blacktop of the parking lot, a bruise forming on his jaw, as Sebastian Smythe and David Karofsky stood over him, their expressions begging him to give them a reason to hit him again.

David turned towards Kurt as he noticed his movement. "Are you okay? Did he...?"

Kurt just blinked, his mouth opening and closing silently. David frowned worriedly, Kurt was never quiet, never without a cutting comment or sarcastic aside. "Kurt?" he tried again.

Sebastian turned away; Blaine wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. "Do you want us to call the police?"

That seemed to get through. Kurt shook his head. "It's not like he actually did anything."

"He very well might have if we hadn't gotten out here in time," Dave frowned, glaring back at the body slowly starting to rouse and rub his face.

"Come on, let's go inside, get you a drink and calm down. Maybe while we're in there someone will come along and handle Anderson without our input," Sebastian suggested.

Kurt frowned. "Wait a minute, I thought you liked him? What with all the flirting and dancing in there."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "I wanted him because of all the stories going around Dalton about him. If I'd had a clue what he was really like, I would have stayed far, far away. I'll have nothing to do with rapists."

"He's not actually," Kurt began, unable to not defend Blaine after far too long of doing so, even if in his own head.

"Just because he didn't manage to 'do the deed' doesn't mean he didn't try, and the first time you don't listen to the word 'no', it's rape," Sebastian answered seriously. "Well, unless you like playing those sorts of games of course," he finished with a flirty wink.

Kurt groaned. "And to think, I was almost actually, considering the fact that you might not be so bad."

"There you are, Gayface," Sebastian smirked, putting his arm around the slightly shorter teen's shoulders and leading the way back inside. "I was wondering where you'd been."

"Oh please, Meercat, I know you didn't miss me."

Dave stopped by the bouncer to ask him to keep an eye on Blaine until he managed to find a way home. He knew Kurt would eventually worry about it, even if it was the last thing on his mind right then. Dave smiled as he followed the two of them across the dance floor to a small, empty table. He knew exactly what 'Bastian meant about Fancy finally showing some of the attitude he was so well known for. However, when Kurt simply took the drink Sebastian gave him and sipped it without even asking what it was, he knew he wasn't completely back yet.

Kurt was silent through his drink and a second one as well. The other two boys just sat there watching him, waiting for him to start talking. Finally, he did. "Why can't anyone actually want me?" he sighed, desolately.

His tablemates shared a glance. "I think Blaine wanted you," Dave finally spoke up. "He was completely out of line in showing it, but, well, he wouldn't have done that if he didn't want you, right?"

The 'bitch, please' glare on Kurt's face was the most normal expression he'd seen since they came back inside. "Were you in here at the same time I was?" Kurt bit out. "What exactly did Blaine spend all night doing in here?"

"Well, besides drinking way too much," Sebastian spoke up, "He was dancing."

"With whom?"

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'. He spent all night drinking and dancing with 'you'. And only after that was he interested in having sex with me! It's not like I wasn't interested before this, but he was all 'oh, you're not ready yet, Kurt, I don't mind waiting.' If I hadn't been interested, I wouldn't have moved on him in the first place!" Kurt pulled over a napkin and laid it on the table in front of him before gently slamming his head down.

Dave had to bite his lip to keep from laughing and took a drink from his bottle to try to control it. No one else he knew would have made sure to cover the surface before doing a headdesk. Sebastian, however, was frowning.

"So, not only was he an asshole, he was an arrogant, condescending asshole?" Sebastian asked. "What right did he have telling you you weren't ready? You should know if you're ready for sex or not."

"I've always known I'm not sexy," Kurt shrugged, his head still down. "I shouldn't have been so surprised that he didn't like me that way."

Any laughter Dave was feeling dissipated at that. "What the hell do you mean, you're not sexy? You're the sexiest thing I've ever seen!"

Kurt raised his head and stared at him for a moment, before smiling slightly. "Thank you for that David, but you don't have to lie to me."

"Who's lying? I've always thought you were sexy, that's why I..." he stopped, unable to say it out loud.

Kurt reached out and put his hand over David's on the table. "It's okay."

"Well, then, obviously you need to date the Bear Cub here, that'll solve most of your problems," Sebastian leered.

Kurt shook his head. "I can't do that."

Dave lowered his head and removed his hand from under Kurts, "Yeah, I know."

"Why not? He likes you, he thinks you're sexy, he's not too bad looking himself, it'd at least get you some action," Sebastian suggested salaciously.

Kurt sighed, ignoring Sebastian. "David, look at me," he ordered softly. He waited until David looked up before reaching over and grabbing his hand once again. "First of all, I forgave you a long time ago, okay? I honestly did. But sometimes forgiveness isn't enough. I don't think you ever really understood."

"I do understand, I bullied you, I threatened you, you're scared of me, I get it," Dave blurted.

"I've been bullied for years. I've had slushies thrown into my face daily, been tossed into dumpsters, slammed into lockers, locked in port-a-potties and lockers and been called enough names to write my own book. I've had people who felt the need to call up my dad and tell him his son is a fag, had my porch furniture nailed to the roof and had water balloons, that I was lucky if they were filled with water, thrown at me. Bullying annoys me, it pisses me off and sometimes it hurts. You didn't bully me. You terrorized me." Kurt's voice had been even through the entire recitation, but that didn't stop his words from feeling like a dull knife in his heart. Dave tried to pull his hand away, but Kurt's grip was too strong for him to move without hurting Kurt physically, and he wasn't going to do that anymore.

"All of the rest of that, it was normal. It hurt far more that Mr. Shue would walk past the football team getting ready to throw me into a dumpster and do nothing, than the throwing ever could. It hurt a lot more when Finn called me a fag when our parents were getting ready to be married than it ever did while we were still strangers. Still, it wasn't ever personal. You, you were personal. I didn't know why, but I knew that you hated me more than any other person in that school. I could feel it every time you slammed me into a locker, every bruise you left behind and, Gaga, every single slur that came out of your mouth. It all felt personal, and it hurt a lot more than almost anything else." Kurt continued to stare into David's eyes, almost daring him to look away, ignoring the sheen of tears in both of their eyes as they remembered those days.

"Then, I did the most stupid thing in my life and just kept compounding the stupidity. First, I followed Blaine's advice and chased you into a locker room where we were alone and then just got in your face and refused to get out. I thought you were going to hit me, heck, I knew you were going to hit me... I wish you had hit me." He started off strong, but ended in a quiet, tortured whisper.

"You wish I'd hit you instead of kissed you?" David frowned, utterly confused.

Sebastian had been sitting quietly, enjoying the drama being played out before him. It didn't make him happy to hear all of the things Kurt had had to put up with, but their reactions to each other were extremely interesting to watch. However, at David's question, he couldn't help hissing in a breath. "You kissed him? In the middle of a confrontation? Not good, not good at all."

"The next day he told me if I told anyone, he would kill me," Kurt looked up at Sebastian, finally taking his eyes away from David's. "I had told someone, I'd told Blaine, mistake number two by the way and we'd confronted him again, and not in a safe place, mistake number three. Then he kept winking at me and making these suggestive gestures."

"Damn, Bear Cub, no wonder you terrorized Gayface here."

"I still don't get it, why are you two so hung up about the kiss? You make it sound like it was the worst thing that could have happened."

"It was a thousand times worse than getting hit would have been," Kurt admitted, looking back at him.

David still didn't get it, his eyes going from one serious face to another. "But why?" he asked plaintively.

"Because by kissing him and then continuing to bully him, you completely changed the playing field. You escalated it, from the worst that could happen was a beating, to the worse that could happen... well, if Blaine out there had managed to finish, that would probably have been considered gentle."

A wash of blood turned Dave's face red before it all went away leaving ashy skin. "You thought I was going to rape you?" His voice was so low and broken it was almost impossible to hear.

Kurt worked hard to keep his face even and not show the pain that was going through him as David's hand clenched bruisingly on his own. "Yes, for a while I did fear that."

"Oh my god, oh my god," Dave let go of Kurt's hand and this time was allowed as he buried his face into his two hands. Kurt stealthily moved his hand under the table so he could rub it and hopefully get some feeling back into it without David noticing.

Dave looked up. "I wouldn't have, Kurt! I swear to you, I never would have." He begged Kurt with his whole being to believe him.

"I know," Kurt looked back at him, willing him to see the truth. "I 'do' know, David, I promise I do, unfortunately, knowing is only half the battle. You know I'm friendly with both Finn and Puck now, right? Even though they used to bully me."

"Yeah, Finn's your brother and Puck's his best friend, not to mention they're both in glee club with you. What's that got to do with anything?" Dave was confused again, which was not an unusual situation during this conversation, but to Kurt, the confusion he was hearing was much better than the self-loathing that had filled his voice moments before.

"Neither of them have bullied me in years, we get along fine, heck Finn and I shared a room for a while. This summer, they came in from playing outside, and both of them had slushies. I 'freaked'. I completely lost it. I ran for my bedroom and locked myself in, screaming at them the whole while. I knew they hadn't bought those slushies with the intention of throwing them at me. They were just hot and thirsty, but for so long I had to fear them with slushies in their hands that even after all this time, it still just hit me out of the blue. Later, of course, I felt like a total drama queen and they felt bad and there was a lot of manly 'not actually saying they're sorry but still actually saying they're sorry' type things going on. Not to mention, I don't think either one of them has bought a slushie since. But can you see what I'm saying?" Kurt asked seriously.

"I think so," Dave nodded.

"Even though I've forgiven you. Even though I know you would never have gone as far as my nightmares and panicked mind suggested you would, I can't always control my own reactions after the amount of time I spent in terror about you. I'm really happy that you think I'm sexy and I honestly really like the you I've met the last few times, but I just can't be alone with you. I'm sorry."

If I was going to continue this into a threesome fic, this would be the point where Sebastian suggests that if Kurt can't be alone with David, maybe they could date if they had a chaperone and offers to be it. They go on a lot of threesome dates, and even though Seb tries to stand back and give them space, he ends up drawn into their conversations and activities. By the time Kurt is comfortable enough with David to be alone with him, they realize that they don't want to be without Seb, it's awkward and just doesn't feel right. If anyone would like to write that, I'd love to read it ^_^. You could even use this as a beginning if you want.

If you want to read the Kurt versus Blaine in front of New Directions thing, let me know. If enough people want it, I'll try to get it up.


End file.
